Moneyism’s and why what happens in childhood doesn’t remain in childhood
Let me tell you something you already know: there’s a clear connection between your attitudes and your wealth.
If you've taken a public vow of poverty and then you win the lottery, (or receive an inheritance, or an insurance payout), either way your money belief system will probably get in the way.
In this article
Now while that might sound obvious, when these same held beliefs are unconscious and ingrained from childhood, they can cause problems you don't know about.
It's a classic case of what you don't know can hurt you.
Unconscious attitudes developed in childhood are usually passed down in families and cultures from one generation to another — and always formed in response to the context of their day.
They’re usually comprised of partial truths and profoundly unhelpful for our modern experience with money matters.
What starts in childhood doesn't stay in childhood
These unhelpful money attitudes formed in childhood I call 'moneyisms'.
They’re the unseen driving force behind many of our core beliefs and strange money behaviours.
The dictionary defines an ‘ism’ as;
a ‘distinctive doctrine, cause, or theory, usually an oppressive and especially discriminatory attitude or belief’.
How do money issues start?
Some moneyisms are more obvious and formed during an emotionally charged family or cultural event such as bankruptcy, overly combative and disputes about child maintenance payments, poverty or sudden wealth.
- The four core moneyisms attitudes can be grouped as Avoidance, Guarded, Idolised and Status.
What do they sound like?
- Avoidance moneyisms are recognised by beliefs like, “Good people shouldn’t care about money because money is bad and bad people are greedy”.
- Guarded moneyisms might be recognised by beliefs such as, “You should only pay cash for something, otherwise you can never really afford to buy it”.
- Idolised moneyisms sound like, “Money can buy you happiness if you know where to shop”.
- Status moneyisms affect self-worth and encourage statements like “Only buy the best, so if it's not the best, its not worth buying”.
Admittedly we all risk being a little unbalanced in different parts of our life at different times, and we usually try and correct our course and return to a more stable centre when we can. But if you’re driven by polarising unconscious moneyisms from childhood, you’ll probably risk passing these mindsets onto the children in your life.
And so the destructive cycle continues.
Seeing through the eyes of a child
Everything seems bigger to a small child and their sense of personal responsibility is easily swayed.
- We know children don't have the breadth of experience to balance what they hear with appropriate and inappropriate levels of responsibility. So children internalise and blame themselves for many confusing events happening around them.
- Many try to adopt adult-like attitudes and responsibilities - partly to get praise from key people around them - and partly to help make sense of their young small world.
When paired with trauma, moneyisms can be very resistant to change. Is it any wonder that many of our attitudes formed intentionally (or unintentionally) in childhood continue to rule and frame our financial beliefs today?
Age appropriate conversations and the responsibility of adults
Moneyisms and other self destructive attitudes begin in childhood when age inappropriate conversations are overheard, or even deliberately shared by a parent using their child as surrogate best friend, replacement spouse or worst still, money adviser - rather than child.
Case study - Moneyisms in action and opportunity lost
Lucas and Kim (not their real names) were a middle-aged conservative couple who received an unexpected inheritance and called me to arrange a meeting for some financial advice to see what they could best do with it.
The fact they met with me was to be kept secret and we even met at a location where their family members wouldn’t risk recognising me or my car.
They were embarrassed of their new position as ‘wealthy’ and afraid their extended family might find out and ask them for it.
Lucas and Kim were thinking about using the bulk of the inheritance money for their own looming retirement, paying off their mortgage, buying some new furniture and perhaps cutting back on their long work hours that had begun to take a toll on their health.
For reasons they couldn’t fully explain, Lucas and Kim feared their new found wealth left them vulnerable and unable to decline any family request for financial help. They believed their new ‘wealthy status’ in their greater family would be disruptive and potentially isolating, and they wanted to avoid that.
Sadly it wasn't long before one of their extended family members became suspicious of the unannounced purchase of a new lounge suite, joined the dots and ‘discovered the news about the family good fortune’.
Faster than seagulls swooping on a hot chip, Lucas and Kim were set upon by ‘well wishes’.
While I advised them to take six months off before considering what to do with the inherited funds, and recommended for them to learn some new skills about dealing with sudden wealth syndrome - within a month and a half, the inheritance was gone.
It was split between an in-law's new business plans for a mobile phone repair shop, paying out the runaway credit card debts of a step-brother, buying a new car for a needy relative who had just finished drug rehabilitation, a sizable 'victory gift' to a church program and the lavish wedding reception of a favourite niece who ‘had fallen upon hard times’ and would not have been able to afford a fairtale wedding and reception 'she had always wanted' herself.
- Lucas and Kim's sizable sum of money was never to be seen again.
- The sizable impact it could have had in their own immediate lives was quickly dissipated amongst the immediate and apparently more pressing plans (and opportunities) of others' who clearly didn't have the same level of commitment to the long term safety and provision of Lucas and Kim.
And somehow after the flock of 'extended well wishes' left as fast as they arrived, all that was left to show for Lucas and Kim's good fortune was the embarrassing bad taste of greed, manipulation and the legacy of regrets of what could have been but new was.
So what really happened? The change in their financial situation pushed them out of their comfort zone so they feared the increase in wealth would expose them to the accusation of being corrupt or greedy and not really family orientated, in line with their avoidant moneyism belief.
After declaring ‘we’re still the same people and this money won't change us a bit…’ they ended up doing whatever was needed to return themselves to their former position.
And that was the problem.
They remained the same people and resisted the need to change and become the more aware and financially capable versions of themselves, to overcome their own childhood and cultural moneyisms.
The last word
For most of us, financial information is just not enough to change our behaviour. Without an understanding of these moneyisms and resulting behaviours and what they do, no amount of financial planning advice or education can change your attitude and behaviours about money.
So let's look again at whether we might have unhelpful childhood moneyism’s that are unhelpfully still active today.
You can read more about Moneyisms on our commercial site Sapience Financial, here.
